GREAT. (category would be FUCKED.)

Current mood: betrayed

Sitting in front of a glowing keyboard... reading news, watching the goings-ons of other people's lives. Drinking a very nice Merlot. Trying not to think about someone. It's halfway working. She's not that important. She's not that GREAT.

Thinking in codes, speaking in tongues. Trying to conceal my interests.

Wondering whether I should attempt to draw something, I have such huge resources inside and in front of me... And then I catch myself. I ask myself, 'what for? (no) What does this do for me? (no) Does it fix anything? (no) Does anyone see me sitting here? (no) What's the point?' (no)

GREAT. CATCH-22's at every turn.

All my art has ever done has given me a record to look back on, something to be sorrowful about. (yes) Great. (yes) This is a wonderful perspective I have given myself. (yes) This is what it's like for Eric to feel. (yes) This is what it's like to be an 'artist'. (yes) Oh, he's so cool, he's an artist. (yes) Fuck that. (yes) Nobody knows. (yes) Nobody cares. (yes) Nobody sees the infinite possibilities like I do. (yes) Nobody can feel like I do. (yes) Nobody ever gets close, nobody dares. (Sorry Henry.)

(yes)

So here I am holding my own balls once again like a friggin' stupid numbnut. Fuck the world. What was the point again? Please tell me. Your answer will mean completely nothing... once again. GREAT.

(about) Fuck the world.
You know the abbreviated phrase 'FTW'? When I first saw it on the internet I thought it meant "Fuck the World". Now I know it means "For the Win". That first interpretation illustrates so much. I'm such a positive asshole shit person, huh. GREAT.

ANGER.

Tired. I just need some sleep. I was trying so hard to get to sleep last night, but it completely escaped me until 6am or so. I was up by 9:30am to get to work at 10. GREAT.

I fixed so many stupid easy things at work over the past week.
1. Removed Novell Netware from operation. Replaced with a windows 2003 server with Win 2k clients. easy. BIG. GREAT.
2. Implemented an offsite backup system that works with a shell script that automatically compresses and dates files for upload to the remote server at 2am. yawn. 10 minutes to find out windows shell environment support SUCKS. Fuck you sincerely Microsoft. Wish it were Linux. GREAT.

How come I am the one always doing the big crap? People seem so useless sometimes.

It's so hard to be without... and the fact is there is no belief in the sanctity of love.. the sacredness of it. There is no romance, huh? Get a fucking clue.

So much for love, I need to abandon it, huh.

GREAT.

Click. Click. Click.
Dash. Dot. Dash.

Speaking in codes. Working it out. Yes, I'm completely dense.

Still in love. GREAT.

great love. Crashing apart while coming together. Ad infinatum.

And what I am thinking about right now... is lazy days at Ikea buying carpets and plants.
It was always that simplicity that pleased me.