*SIGH.*

I have a big hole in my chest where my heart used to be, oh dear. :(

I wish there was someone I could talk to, maybe some bulletin board... just something. I just have this shitty little web page.

But honestly I have to realize that nobody knows what I am going through. Nobody knows where I have been. Nobody can relate. I'm just a nobody. I'm all alone with this fact. I'm going to live my life, and then I'm going to pass away just like everyone else. Nobody will record my history, that's up to me to do.

What am I really looking for when I want to tell someone about me? Just a way to ease the loneliness and pain of living I suppose. Honestly I wish I weren't like this.

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NonBP is a non-clinical term originally coined by Kreger & Mason in the book Stop Walking on Eggshells (ISBN 157224108X) in the mid-1990's. It has since come into widespread and popular usage. The term describes individuals who are in a consistent, and sometimes significant, relationship with a person exhibiting a Borderline character, aspects of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), or a formally diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. These people can be friends, spouses, lovers, offspring, co-workers, and extended family members, among others.

While "NonBP" is a colloquial expression, and not a clinically defined condition or syndrome, the idea parallels that of the "roles" that people often take on in alcoholic families, or abusive relationships. It is also consistent with the idea of "roles" described in co-dependent relationships, such as "enabler", "counter-dependent", and/or "agent". Part of the value of this type of informal terminology is that it helps describe the manner in which others potentially behave when in relationship to a person whose social skills are inadequate, in what ever way that presents itself.

When talking about the Borderline relationship, the "Non-reactive NonBP" is considered to be a person who interacts with the Borderline character, while not being drawn into, or engaging, the chaos of the disorder. The "Reactive NonBP", however, both interacts with the Borderline character, and engages the Borderline behavior. This often throws the person off-center, and promotes a kind of parallel emotional dysregulation within them. The "Reactive" relationship style breaks down into two distinct sub-styles; transpersonal, or the "trans-Borderline", and counterpersonal, or the "counter-Borderline".

The "trans-Borderline" is an individual who engages the Borderline character, and is drawn only to the chaos of the disorder itself. Rather than being directly affected, s/he is more apt to stay focused on "cleaning up" after the Borderline personality. This is something akin to the "caretaker/enabler" role found in alcoholic relationships. In both cases, this person is characteristically co-dependent, or set up to be co-dependent in that relationship. S/he acts as enabler, or agent, or both.

The "counter-Borderline", on the other hand, not only reacts to and integrates the Borderline style, but reflects it, as well. This individual is the most negatively affected by his/her relationship to the Borderline personality. Very often, this person will begin to behave in a manner very similar to a person with a Borderline personality. This type of relationship is very treacherous and, when talking about chaotic relationships with Borderline personalities, this is the sort of situation to which most people are referring. This type of relationship often leaves the NonBP questioning his/her own sanity, and the "emotional hangover" of such a relationship can take a considerable amount of time from which to recover.

P - paranoid ideas
R - relationship instability
A - angry outbursts, affective instability, abandonment fears
I - impulsive behaviour, identity disturbance
S - suicidal behaviour
E - emptiness