Suck

My father is dying of cancer.
It looks as if he has less than a year to live.
The treatments have mostly all been tried. All have had an effect, however the lymphoma has just come back with all of the associated side effects from the chemo / radioimmuneology treatments.
There is one last treatment, but according to statistics it has a 5% success rate.
Things are looking grim indeed.

I'm not sure if I can hold it together.

The reason

I have spent a whole lot of my life being angry.

...and holding it all in.

Afraid of the danger.
Afraid of the hurting.
Afraid of the consequences.
Afraid of the end.
Afraid of being done.
Afraid of being finished.
Afraid of having no reason.

May 9 Madness

"http://dresdendollsdiary.blogspot.com/2008/05/fishpeoplebelly.html

For some reason when I read this I thought of you.

Enjoy ;)

P.S. Hope you are well."

What a stupid thing. Why doesn't she just fuck off, huh?
She has the nerve to even try to talk to me at this point.
I ask myself what the fuck for? What's the point here?

Go take some more classes, you big dummy.
I'm no good to you anymore ~ don't you see that?