Anger

You horrible stupid whore. You cheated on me. You fucked other guys. You kept talking to other guys in the vain hope you could jump ship. Who knows what else you did. You are the worst example of a human I have ever seen. You have no conscience.

I have never felt so bad in my life. You used me. You trampled on my heart. You have no care in the world for anyone else. You don't know the meaning of love. People are just there so you can make yourself feel better. You assassinated my character when you felt like you were slighted. Your best idea of a defense is to do this instead of actually doing the honorable honest thing and JUST THINKING IT OVER. You always lash out and HURT people when you feel slighted. I feel sorry for the people in your life who have no idea about what you really are.

Fuck you whore. You are never talking to me again.

Hardened Stone-Like Thing

You think you remember what it's like when you lose someone, but it's always different every time. However there is one common element. The common element is incredible pain that cannot be described. The pain that people have killed over. The pain they have killed themselves over. People may look at this and think to themselves, "What a weakling". I beg to differ. This introspection is my business. This is my life. This is why I create art, it's the indescribable inside of me.

Now why have I not made too much art over the last 3 years? I guess I was pretty content, huh. heh. I'm laughing at myself here. Anything to get rid of this horrible situation. I don't have time to waste on it. We are all dying every minute of every day of every year. Loss like this is a fact of life and we all need to get used to it sooner or later. I keep telling myself this same crap and I never ever ever get used to it. Every time it's a struggle, do I fight it and keep it inside? Or do I let it out and let it pass away like the tide?

I guess I can look away and smile, knowing I can still feel even after so very long. My life is just beginning. Unfortunately this past time it was extremely hard for me to cry, as if my heart had become a hardened stone-like thing. I think the constant beating and anger I've received over the last 3 years had made it very hard for me to open up. Now to soften up. Find the right girl to live around that I can be my old soft self with.

Sad but true I'm going to have to let go of the love I feel for her. It's just not right, now is it? We both lost something great regardless of what she may say. I pump it up in my mind and give it substance, but honestly I'll never know what she truly feels. When I really think about her all I picture is a Hoovermatic.

OMG, I'm trying to be funny. It's kinda working.

October 12 2007 - Reply

October 12 2007

I'm not talking about whatever the fuck you are or know now, I'm talking about your recurring behavior of talking horrible shit about people and then magically it's as if it never happened. You are a complete two-faced liar and you constantly change what you say to fit the situation. You are dishonest, disloyal, and you completely disregard the feelings of other people. You whimsically talk crap and
make it disappear later as if it never happened. I should know about this, I was a victim of your bad mouth and stress and PMS for years and years over dozens of situations.. I wish you had gained a little more insight into how you react (badly) to distress and obstacles, and as a result learn to control it better. I had great hopes for you over the last 3 years but in all reality it was way too emotionally draining dealing with you and your emotional swings.

Believe me, I'm not saying this to hurt you. I'm just illustrating how you treated me. That's all.

Morgan has your key.

Please don't respond, there is nothing else to talk about.